Rappers Retirement Homes #20
It has been a few minutes since we blessed you – atchoo – with a Rappers Retirement Home update, but that’s because rappers just don’t fuckin’ retire any more. Once upon a time, you could rely on an MC to take the 542 sales of his latest project on the chin and go back to movin’ birds like a Bill Oddie guff. Now they try and collaborate with the younger generation/go on to twitter to diss the younger generation/ give tours of their shitty neighbourhoods where something interesting once happened. Everyone’s a multi-tasker and multi-hyphenate these days, and none more so than our man to the man to the man DJ Yoda.
Yoda is Fat Lace famalam to the death, joining the crew when he was an aspiring mixtape DJ with Frank Oz’s hand up his arse. Now he gets paid £8M per year for splicing the ‘Chocky’s Children’ theme with the intro from ‘Ulysses’ to provide a new soundtrack for a live screening of the ‘Lemon Popsicle’ movies at the O2. He’s so successful that we even heard a black person turned up at one of his shows. So what to do with all that money?
Well, since the market for frozen orange juice futures is particularly rocky at the moment, Yoda has sunk his money into beauty therapy in Spain, figuring ‘Dem Spanish chicas is damn hairy, yo’. His words. Massages, depilation, eyebrow threading and plucking, all that shit. We’re not sure if things get all ‘happy ending a la Brenda in ‘Six Feet Under’, but as long as it’s not the homunculus on the shop sign doing the rub-and-tug, we’re down for whatever.