The Stop Crackers Rapping Campaign

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We’ve always been motivated and inspired by the motto ‘Don’t hate, congratulate’. Well, after hearing recent efforts from white rappers the world over, we’ve done enough congratulating for this lifetime. Hence we kick off our long overdue Stop Crackers Rapping Campaign. Here are the aims:

1) Stop cracker ass crackers rapping.
2) That’s it.

Now, we’re not ig’nant. We know some crackers have kicked it. That’s why we’re introducing the Fat Lace licensing system, whereby some crackers get a rap pass. Every few days the Stop Crackers Rapping Star Chamber will meet and issue or revoke licenses based on current and recent performance. There will be permanent bans, and lifetime passes for those rare crackers who deserve it.

Sensitive idiots, pause before filling the comments section with your bile. Actually, don’t, we can just ignore it. Instead, use the time while you wait for your next free Rapidshare slot to open up to take a look around like Masta Ace and tell us who we should be banning for life, and who gets a ride.

So we’re putting off Easter until next year, we’re calling this the Anti-White Weekend. Who will be on our hit-list and who made the shit-list, check back to see who gets passed and failed. And if you’re a rapping cracker reading this heed the words of Rakim Allah “drop the mic, you shouldn’t be holdin’ it”.

77 Responses to "The Stop Crackers Rapping Campaign"
  1. Reply MISTA TEE March 23, 2008 15:09 pm

    Nobody’s mentioned the Beasties Boys! They’ve gotta get a pass!

  2. Reply Robbie Coltrane aka Cracker March 24, 2008 04:23 am

    I think the worst white rapper ever has to got be none other than DAVE the RUFF aka RUF MOUTH or whatever he calls himslef now…if you’ve ever heard his records or been unfortunate enough to see him live then you’ll agree a ban is way too light a punishment for his atrocities.

  3. Reply Alan Partridge March 25, 2008 06:35 am

    I have to agree with 7even: Don’t drag Puerto Ricans/Latinos into this. They ain’t got shit to do with this! Leave Fat Joe and Cypress Hill for another day and another debate. Although fair enough, it’s an easy mistake to make. I have to admit I was mad confused as an 11 year old when I first heard B-Real and Fat Joe using the “N” word in their rhymes. After all, it was the fact that B-Real and DJ Muggs could pass for white dudes, which I’m sure had something to do with their massive UK student following in the UK during the early to mid nineties (that, and their weed endorsements) (please correct me if I’m wrong). You see their ain’t a big Puerto Rican/Latino community in the UK. I remember my first thought, as an impressionable youngster was “are they really allowed to use that word?”. I felt a fool, a fool I tells you, after being schooled on the whole Puerto Rican/Latino thing!

    Anyway, back to the debate in hand. May I start with a controversial choice. I’d like to give a pass to actor slash “rappers’ best mate” Michael Rappaport. He’s on some crappy sit-com on UK Living (or some other such shitty channel) at the moment, but you may know him better as Pheobe’s ginge cop boyfriend in Friends. A quick flick through ‘The Black Album’ inlay reveals that he’s crazy tight with Jay-Z. Also, unless I’m very much mistaken, he plays the role of cellmate to Masta Ace on ‘A Long Hot Summer’. And if that wasn’t enough he also kicks a mean rap (over the same beat used once by Biz Markie, aswell as The Gravediggaz on ‘Constant Elevation’) on High & Mighty’s ‘Highlite Zone’. The track’s called ‘How To Rob An Actor’ and I’ve got to say I’m impressed with his mic skills (If indeed he did write his own rhymes). During the track he tells Joan Rivers to “shut the fuck up”, and observantly points out that “Trucker hats are wack”. If all that isn’t enough give him a pass for the aptness of his name alone! Calvin Broadus, Clifford Smith and James Todd Smith would kill for such a cool, and apt, name!!

    I feel that MC Serch should get a pass. Yes, he and Pete did pick on easy targets for dissing during the early nineties (MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice), but there’s no denying his mic skills (check out his M.any Y.oung L.ives A.go album if proof were needed).

    Eminem definitely deserves a pass. Granted he’s released alot of god awfulness recently, but that’s mainly down to his own piss poor beat making, rather than his mic skills (Dre’s the one I feel sorry for, due to the fact that people too lazy to read the credits assume he does all Eminem’s beats, when infact Slim Shady is behind the boards for alot of his own shit).

    Edan – pass. Come on! Even if you dismissed him as a throwback rapper after ‘Primative Plus’, you must have changed your minds upon listening to ‘Beauty and the Beat’. Surely?!

    As far as UK white dudes go, you gotta pass Blade?! ‘Lion goes from strength to strength’? ‘The Unknown”? Noone can say he hasn’t got skills. Also Stig Of The Dump should be passed, simply for the way he absolutely destroyed Asher D in that freestyle battle? It was such a mismatch it was embarassing!

    As far as bans go, I’d have to agree with MC Paul Barman – He’s just irritating!

    Noone else need even mention Mike Skinner anymore, that kind of goes without saying. He should be publicly flogged, nevermind have his rap pass revoked.

    As a final thought I would like to point out the fact that microphone wackness isn’t an affliction of all white rappers. For many it is, sure, but for some, no. Some black rappers can suffer from large bouts of microphone wackness too, just look at Melachi The Nutcracker. Hiding behind some of DJ Premier best beats shouldn’t disguise the fact that he couldn’t rap for shit (am I the first to point this out?)

  4. Reply Win the G March 25, 2008 07:17 am

    You’re not the first to mention Melachi – Fat Lace once did a feature called ‘The Wit and Wisdom of Melachi the Nutcracker’ in their old media guise.

  5. Reply Alan Partridge March 25, 2008 09:42 am

    Well I be damned! Great minds…

  6. Reply brian beck from wisconsin March 25, 2008 11:14 am

    Melachi The Nutcracker on Livin’ Proof >> Lil’ Dap on Livin’ Proof

    Lil’ Dap’s voice is the audio equivalent of ebola, aids, sars and a monday morning shit.

  7. Reply Robbie Coltrane aka Cracker March 25, 2008 11:44 am

    I like group home, would you tell them to their faces their wack? They sound OK to me.

  8. Reply Drew Huge March 25, 2008 11:55 am

    let’s be very clear – Fat Lace love Group Home. We have everything – everything – they ever did. We can still laugh at Melachi’s lyrics, however.

  9. Reply Alan Partridge March 25, 2008 12:26 pm

    Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got Livin’ Proof. I thought Lil’ Dap was alright. I just couldn’t help thinking at the time that a whole album’s worth of top-notch beats had gone to waste. If I remember correctly it was released in 1995, at a time when that era of raw New York beats was coming to an end, and beats of that calibre were few and far between. I just thought that had the beats been given to Jeru The Damaja, Nas or even to another Gang Starr project, the results would have been much better. Surely everyone would agree with that?

    I still stand by my original statement though: That Melachi was not a very good rapper.

  10. Reply 7EVEN March 25, 2008 22:02 pm


  11. Reply Alan Partridge March 26, 2008 14:32 pm

    Cheers for the heads up 7even!! To be honest I’ve always assumed Muggs was of the same ethnic origins as B-Real. Just goes to show that you shouldn’t make sweeping assumptions like that! Either way Cypress Hill should get a pass white or otherwise.

    I have to admit I’m a little confused as to who qualifies for praise/abuse and who doesn’t. I was under the impression were dealing with straight up Anglo-Saxon here?!

    Also I feel it needs pointing out to a few that this is a witch hunt of piss poor contributions to hip-hop made by certain white dudes, not simply naming every white person associated with hip-hop that you can think of, just for the hell of it.

    I don’t know whether it was this blog, or one of the others, but I read someone say ban all Jewish DJs from the UK, or something along those lines. As if them being Jewish was the reason for banning them, rather than whether they actually thought they were any good or not! I might be wrong on that one, but that’s how it read to me. Either way I say give all the HHC boys a big fat pass (that’s Dan Greenpeace, Yoda and Andrew Emery). They ain’t done shit wrong.

  12. Reply Mattzki March 26, 2008 19:38 pm

    Can’t believe that no-one mentioned either Blood Of Abraham or the Youngbloodz. Both of whom should have been passed through a car compacter.

    But a proper pass to Robert 3D Del Naja. If only for rocking the bright red furry Kangol on the back of the ‘Friends & Countrymen’ 12″

  13. Reply sm72 March 29, 2008 05:43 am

    Pass for John Cena ….. time for me to go back to the asylum!!!!

  14. Reply short stuff March 29, 2008 06:53 am

    check out these guys sickness
    pass for life

  15. Reply Another stupid rap blogger September 19, 2008 17:48 pm

    How about you see the person and not the skin colour you stupid cunt.
    This website is a fucking joke, ah well I don’t think it’ll last long.

  16. Reply big cheddar March 9, 2009 21:02 pm

    this is an obvious attempt by Obama to make reparations for what happened in the past. Soon white people will be banned from eating watermelons and drinking cool-aid.

  17. Reply kupa dupa March 11, 2009 13:13 pm

    wow…u all must be red neck hicks. All of you are retarded, im suprised you know how to use a computer

  18. Reply kupa dupa March 11, 2009 13:14 pm


  19. Reply twatsnatcher January 8, 2010 02:18 am

    uk rappers run this m8.

  20. Reply twatsnatcher January 8, 2010 02:19 am

    we reinvented english

  21. Reply Naylz April 23, 2010 08:39 am

    Eminem = Considered the top rapper right now, if not ever. The irony? He’s whiter than sour cream. This post is fucked up. Funny shit though!

  22. Reply West Chest August 11, 2010 14:36 pm

    THES ONE is pretty bunk.
    dude makes cool beats but his rap skills are not there at all. PUTS make party bbq rap and the lyrics are pretty bad you must admit

  23. Reply FATLACE IS 100% white dudes August 11, 2010 14:39 pm

    You guys and your FAT LACE
    you are all WHITE
    thats why you HATE white rappers
    because you hate yourselves

  24. Reply Browniescoop August 11, 2010 14:48 pm

    Gershwin and Crag Malkovich aka James Dunn.
    eh…silly raps and he looks exactly like Gilad the fitness trainer from Israel

    Shapeshifters – white rap at its worst

    Awol one – more of a “hummer” than an emcee…sings too much and the lyrics are minimal

    what about DRAKE or RICK ROSS or BIRD MAN?
    these rappers suck pretty bad too but because they are black guys i think its more acceptable

    i hate white rap and eminem

  25. Reply FarceGrump August 11, 2010 15:43 pm

    I’d be a white rapper but I can’t think of a word that rhymes with “bigger.”

  26. Reply Big Al October 4, 2010 22:26 pm

    Dis iz sum racist shit im white and i rap so fuck you i aint gunna stop till i drop

  27. Reply mexican american October 21, 2010 17:44 pm

    *you know damn well its ALL whiteboys posting on here.

    some white rappers are cool
    but eminem played it out and made white rappers look like they always gotta act CRAZY and TOUGH from the STREETS…ha ha

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