These dandies took a trip to Paris recently, here’s the photo they didn’t show you. Ghost signing to G.O.O.D.?

And more poof, ahem, we meant proof…

That’s right fat fans, it’s one year since our on-line incarnation was birthed. Of course the origins of Fat Lace Magazine date back to March 1997 so we’re actually 11 years old. Anyway, here we were exactly 1 year ago, technically we weren’t born until later tonight so this image is factually correct at the time of writing.

Thanks for the kind comments and hate alike. One year onwards and upwards.

(some birthday songs after the jump….)

Timbaland – Birthday

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Grandmaster Flash & The Furious 5 – Birthday Party

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Flo Rida – Birthday

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The Roots – Birthday Girl

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The Beatles – Birthday

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Steve Wonder – Happy Birthday

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Wherever you’re at in the world, join Ghostface in pouring out a little Cristal to usher in the New Year. Thanks to all the regular readers of Fat Lace who’ve been down since way back in ‘97 and rediscovered us in the past few months. Thanks to any site that linked us and thanks to all the new readers, keep spreading the word. Special thanks to all those who comment on the regular and genuinely appreciate the work we put in and finally to the Rawkus Network and all the blogs for their support. Peace & Prosperity for 2008 and beyond.

The Fat Lace Crew.

Ooh Ghost, that’s a bit cheeky. Ever since he was spotted in a Thai titty bar a few months back we’ve been reporting the exploits of the Ghostface doll. If you’re new to the game, peep them all here. This time we find him in another compromising situation. Merry XXXmas Ghost from the Fat Lace Crew.

The Ghostface doll has been on his travels again, this time we found him in Cornwall (on the South West Coast of England for the benefit of our overseas readers. Benny Hill, Ricky Hatton and The Queen all live there too). Ghost really has proven himself to be a versatile artist. Known for his emotionally charged style of rapping, his passion for folk dancing has largely remained a secret until RZA leaked this photo to us last week.

‘Morris Dancing’ is very similar to the Soulja Boy dance but instead of doing the superman part, you attach bells to your knees and wave handkerchiefs in the air. In fact that’s all you do. There’s even a dance called the ‘Rapper Sword’. See Ghost here demonstrating his version called the ‘Shaolin Sword’, waving the ‘Iron Flag’ with the other ‘Rappers’. Unfortunately U-God is just out of shot. Needless to say it’s a lot easier to perform this dance without an enormous medallion around your neck, as you can see, Ghost is unable to even skip like his fellow villagers who are getting massive air. We caught up with Ghost for a pint of scrumpy after a tiring day of street performance and he had this to say: “Go cop ‘The Big Doe Rehab’ in stores now”. To examine Ghost’s Morris technique in more detail click here.

“The invitation clearly instructed everyone to come dressed as their favourite Clan member” an irritated U-God yelled down the phone. “So why rub everyone up the wrong way and come as Darth Vader?” replied Meth. Speculation was rife as to why Ghost came dressed as his favourite intergalactic baddie after the RZA had put months of thought into the Wu-Tang reunion Xmas party. Should he go for a James Bond theme, Wizard Of Oz, no, everyone should come dressed as their favourite Wu member but not as themselves. As you can see, Genius has an uncanny likeness to Rae. He even buffed up on Pro Gain for the shindig.

Ghost, seemingly unimpressed with ‘8 Diagrams’ and blatantly on a dolo-mission, gave the fancy dress equivalent of a ‘fuck you’ to Bobby ‘Steve Carell’ Digital, who like his on-screen namesake just has no control of the newly reformed and unruly Clan. Needless to say it all worked out fine. Deck snogged Killa, both turning up to the studio the next morning a little red-faced. Meth puked on Ghost’s Wallys which ended up in a drunken scuffle with U-God screaming ‘it’s not worf it!’, before breaking up the scrap. RZA swore he witnessed the ghost of Ol’ Dirty sat on the photocopier cackling to himself before passing out, half-empty bottle of Tennessee’s finest in hand.

Raw and uncut footage from the Xmas party

Just to get things started as we have busy lives and you don’t. Or is it the other way around?:

Raekwon The Sith, SOl’0 Dirty Bastard, Grand Verbalizer Moff Tarkin, Queen Jamilliatifah, Darth Mac Maul, Jabba The Damaja, The Chewbaccwudz, DJ Yoda, hmmm, we’re spent, over to you guys, you’re much better at this, we do the story part…

With Ghostface – or his doll likeness, which is the same thing – currently everywhere promoting both his own ‘Big Doe Rehab’ and the Wu’s ‘8 Diagrams’, it’s unsurprising that he’s even gone so far as to throw his hat into the ring for the vacant England Manager’s (sorry, ‘England Head Coach’ as we’re now supposed to call it, as if indulging in pointless semantic polishing will bring success) job. At a hastily assembled press conference, he announced that he had approached FA Chief Brian Barwick, and was the man to take, we quote, “Englandshire to the 2010 USA Champion’s Cup Playoffs”. A mere publicity stunt? No, he’s dead serious like Das. “When I’m the coach, we’ll do away with the old 4-4-2 and play an experimental 7-1-8 formation. I’m going to stick with Scott ‘La Rock’ Carson in nets, and bring David Beck ‘em-Down back as captain. But I don’t see a role for Shaun A’ight Phillips, and for Wayne, the Bridge is definitely over. Also, Shawn Wigs will be playing because he is my mate.” Steve ‘Malcolm’ McLaren was unavailable for comment.

This is 100% true. Ghost Deini made it to the front pages of Cuba’s Communist Party newspaper ‘Granma’ with the headline “Absolved By History”. Why you ask? On a recent trip to Havana to buy cheap cigars, Ghost popped in to see Fidel. Despite the press embargo, the two apparently got on like a house on fire, literally. Whilst puffing stogies late one night on Fidel’s porch only dressed in Cuban minks, Ghost repeatedly flicked his ash onto the decking and before they knew it the whole house was up in flames. Castro reportedly cursed Ghost’s clumsiness throughout the evening until the Johnny Blaze was under control. Fleeing Havana the next day wondering what he could do to appease the furious leader, Ghost ordered an air drop of Wally’s embossed with the Cuban flag. So impressed was the President with his remarkably comfortable footwear, he insisted Pretty Toney made headline news the very next day to confirm the rumours that he was still alive, we mean Ghost of course.

In case you wondered where we got the Ghost Doll, buy one here where these highly remunerated craft persons are preparing more dolls for Ghost’s next adventure. Watch this space.

Everyone knows Ghostface is the love king of hip-hop. What else is ‘Wildflower’ if not the most potent love rap since LL’s ‘I Need Love’ , Positively Black’s ‘Ebony Princess’, Kaos’ ‘Let’s Do It Again’ and RA and Biggie’s ‘Cunt Renaissance’? In fact, as this exclusive shot shows, the Wu were trying to position him in the market as the nuevo Prince Lover Dalu. On this unreleased LP can be found the original version of ‘Flowers’, all about his love of chrysanthemums, ‘Ghost Flowers’, about dahlias, and other bangers like ‘I Love Wu’, not about a specific flower. Guests include other legendary crooners like Neil ‘Lex’ Diamond, Tony ‘Starks’ Bennett and Johnny ‘True’ Mathis-ematics. Unfortunately, it’s only available as an instrumental bootleg, as the Ghostface doll didn’t record any proper vocals, spending its time selling old socks and wristbands on eBay instead.

Ollie from Winchester sent us this photo. He spotted Ghostface with some buddies at the Vale Do Lobo golfing resort on the Algarve in Portugal. T La Rock was also there but was busy T-N-Off. This was taken on the 18th hole, Ghost whupped they’ asses, apparently he’s pretty good and plays off a 2 Handicap. Anyway, here’s Tony Starks holding the Iron Flag about to putt for a Birdie. Pictured with him are golf legends Gary ‘Still Not A’ Player’, Tiger Boogs and Black Nicklaus. Waiting patiently on the 17th hole are Ill Mickelson, Sam Snead, Fred ‘Fakin’ The’ Funk and Lee ‘Tim’ Westwood.