I’ve been listening to hip-hop now, technically, for 24 years, although in all honesty in 2004 I got tired of being threatened by members of Roots Manuva’s retinue and unbelievably obscure Battersea rap collectives and so stopped listening to anything that didn’t have Celph Titled on it. It has been a time of wonder – in those years, I have interviewed Ol’ Dirty Bastard perched on the edge of a bed where Buddah Monk was having a nap; I’ve got drunk and embarrassed myself in front of Styles Of Beyond; I’ve even gone into a toilet directly after Cage had a shit in it and been led to wonder about what must be in his diet. But the one frustrating thing that has bedevilled me in those 24 years is something I’m sure most UK hip-hoppers have suffered from time to time – not quite getting the MC’s references.
American MCs, of course, don’t construct their verses with the UK in mind, and so they are bound to be peppered with references to cultural ephemera that we’re not going to get. I’m sure that my man Drew Bangers and my brother from another Hampton Dom Grande got every last one of them, but I had to spend many an hour wondering what it means to form like Voltron, or what a Chlorox box might contain. In the days before Wikipedia, how was I to know that Allen Funt was the creator of Candid Camera, or that Bob Saget was the host of America’s Funniest Home Videos? How could I have possibly imagined that Chips Ahoy are actually chocolate chip cookies and not the potato crisps that I smugly assumed them to be? Or that Smuckers actually exist and make jam, rather than being solely a rap construct designed to rhyme with “motherfuckers”?
In order to fully, 100%, understand US hip-hop you need an exhaustive knowledge of, at a pinch, daytime television, snack foods, alcoholic drinks brands, household cleaning products, sports icons, WWF-era wrestlers, clothing brands, advertising slogans, US-specific fast food outlets… The list goes on and on. I mention all this partly because we stand on the cusp of seeing a uniquely British, uniquely awful act in the shape of N-Dubz “breaking the States”, and the simple fact that N-Dubz can go out there and not be gawped at in blank, frog-eyed incomprehension has given me an idea.
Team Fat Lace has often toyed with the idea of getting into the recording arts – pretty much everyone in the extended squidod is a frustrated DJ or MC (indeed, not especially frustrated in Dan Largiano’s case) so I’m proposing the team construction of a track that Americans simply will not get on any level, on account of references to Eastenders, darts, mid-level Premiership footballers, Countdown, Terrahawks, Ealing Comedy, 1980s sitcoms and World Of Sport. We want at least one totally yank-baffling allusion in every couplet. Then, when we feel like we have enough quality couplets, we’ll chuck them all together, Large can lace up a beat, and then we’ll get one of the top promising rap troupes of the day to perform it. I don’t know, Collapsed Lung or somebody like that. And then we can sell it to Coca-Cola for the 2012 Olympics or some shit.
My opening gambit is
We’re like Bruce Forsythe when we pull cards of dullards
Leave you more injury-prone than Jimmy Bullard.
But I’m sure you can do better. So come on. Write rhymes. Write rhymes FOR BRITAIN.
Words by Johnny Depth
67 responses so far ↓
1 brian beck from wiscompton // Mar 8, 2010 at 5:56 am
You can catch me commentatin’ like Elton Welsby
Comin’ up with the answers like Eggheads’s Daphne
Went to see Jay-Z and then got kicked outta pubs in Earlestown and Helsby
After wildin’ out at the bar with a gangsta lean like Del-Boy, g.
2 vallejo // Mar 8, 2010 at 7:19 am
Stick you for your folding, leave you on a stretcher in Holby,
Pockets stay fat, you can call me Jan Molby.
3 Dom Grande // Mar 8, 2010 at 7:24 am
Intellectual when I rip mics, call me Sid Waddell
Make you pay for what you did in a past life, Glenn Hoddle
Stacking more bitches than Rose and Fred West
I got more bars than Bellfruit, y’all hold fruits like Barcrest
4 Johnny Depth // Mar 8, 2010 at 7:37 am
You can call me Frank because I Butcher for sho’
Murdering MCs and then kill them a Little Mo’
Fuck with Westbrook bitches that make my dick rotten
And when I’m in The Gap you know I nick cotton
5 TOBES // Mar 8, 2010 at 9:18 am
I kick that / Bananaman rap, that old Supergran rap, that Ian Botham Question of Sport Bill Beaumont type rap / fine dine on that / Last of the Summer Wine type crack / Leave wise heads confused, needin’ answers / Question Time: My rhymes? 10 out of 10, ghost writin’ for Les Dawson (RIP kid) with a Blankety Blank chequebook and pen / Dramarama/Jackanory/Ronnie-Corbett-tell-a-story, I’m Going for Gold, Game for a Laugh / Henry Kelly / feel my wrath / From Coronation to Pigeon, i bring it to the streets / Roy Castle / Cheryl Baker / breakin’ records over beats /raps go boom (like Royce?) nah kid like Terry and June / Cheggers Goes Pop / while i zoom over Button Moon
6 LHHS // Mar 8, 2010 at 9:35 am
I spend my Sunday Afternoons watching Grime Daily/ mad love for the scene more than Roy loves a dude named Hayley/ Smoke bare weed that I have to Talk to Frank / I need to go drop the kids in the pool and go for a Wank/
7 Johnny Depth // Mar 8, 2010 at 10:22 am
I’ll be like Carol Vorderman and give you one off the top
Stack dough like Arkwright cashing up in his shop
On some Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen shit, I floss like a fop
And I call my dick Cheggers when hos make it go pop
8 I be Illin in Ealing // Mar 8, 2010 at 10:27 am
From the top of my Dome but this aint the millenium / Im Keane like Robbie but I aint no Fennian / Telling em, the news like Im Moira Stewart / The Rap monster crushing london like that advert for Chewitts / Major Hewitt aint the King but his son will be one day / Thats the double truth ruth like Sol Campbells G#y.
9 Johnny Depth // Mar 8, 2010 at 2:18 pm
I’ll be like Ryan Shawcross when I’m breaking your legs
Rakin’ in wedge, gettin’ that dough like Greggs
It’s like I murdered Danny Dyer how I’m killing the twat
Fuck with me? Yo, Sir David Bailey couldn’t picture that
10 Big Daddy Box Meal // Mar 8, 2010 at 3:32 pm
Sound pumps through the amp, heading to Wilko’s to buy a lamp,
give the change to a tramp then murk him…leaving his head red like Phil Stamp,
I’ll finger your girl, jammy doughnut, gives me a woody
On my todger her tongue whirls, licking it bald like Jade Goody.
11 Word // Mar 8, 2010 at 8:18 pm
LOL! I’m def anticipating this “release”!
Peace & blessing to the UK Hip Hop heads from San Diego!
12 Koaste // Mar 9, 2010 at 5:56 am
No malice here, fresh kicks on the Palace Pier
summertime, watch dogs like Alice Beer
fresh rhymin’ do it for the stripes like Des Lynam
leave other rappers swingin’ their pants like Trev & Simon…
13 Johnny Depth // Mar 9, 2010 at 6:18 am
Eat you up like Rik Waller in a feeding frenzy
Make you look about as gully as MC Kenzie
You can’t handle shit like Manuel Almunia
So watch as I fuck every female S Club Junior.
14 dopeonarope // Mar 9, 2010 at 8:41 am
All the way live from Studio Five with Wrighty Wright, Mel ‘n’ K,
My rhymes are so perfick like dem Darling Buds of May.
Got my dogs in the house, but this ain’t no Crufts,
Won’t pussy out like Sven when the going gets tough.
15 Dan Large // Mar 9, 2010 at 11:11 am
Yo son, my rhymes are crispy like Findus,
On the streets of Great Britain, that’s where you’ll find us
Or in Albert Square not the Albee Square Mall
Cause I’m a Big Celebrity like Davina McCall
16 Johnny Depth // Mar 9, 2010 at 11:20 am
When it comes to heads I’m a Cracker like Fitz
While your shit’s more faker than Katie Price’s tits
I’m like the RBS the way I’m taking your money
Plus make your bitch bend over, that’s word to Lindsey Honey.
17 Rich // Mar 9, 2010 at 4:20 pm
Smash your eye like Fash the Bash did Garry Mabbutt out of habit
Now you couldn’t see me, Jimmy, if your name was Russ Abbot
Or Les Dennis / Popular like Monarch of the Glen is
Steady knocking boots with your girl like we hate the the chemist’s.
18 Rich // Mar 9, 2010 at 5:02 pm
I got the illest posse / roll with giants like I play for Jossie
You roll with four poofs at a piano like your name was Wossy
I get it crackin’ / In your bird’s eye, I’m the captain
So at my show the ho be really wild like Michaela Strachan
19 Rich // Mar 9, 2010 at 5:52 pm
Please believe us / These geezers are style leaders
You should see us / Blue Harbour jeans with sharp creases
Peter Storm fleeces when the temperature decreases
Steady making cheese like our boy Theo Paphitis
20 Mr Pen // Mar 9, 2010 at 6:19 pm
These rhymes real tight not loose like Merlin’s sleeve
Smoke weed and drink mead till I’m dead like Mike Reid
Run tracks like Dame Kelly get you like they got Dr Kelly
ah fuck it I’m taking your bitch like John Terry
These rhymes real tight not loose like Merlin’s sleeve
Smoke weed and drink mead till I’m dead like Mike Reid
Run tracks like Dame Kelly get you like they got Dr Kelly
ah fuck it I’m taking your bitch like John Terry
21 Rich // Mar 9, 2010 at 6:27 pm
Call me Kenneth Branagh, bring the drama to this rapping thing
And keep the streets covered like Space Raider packaging
Like the Edinburgh tattoo I blast the cannons when you start to rap
Splatter up on your sweatshirt like Buchanan that’s an Art Attack
22 Mr Pen // Mar 9, 2010 at 6:31 pm
Rhymes Bisto gravy Anneka Rice Rice baby
An Oasis in this rap desert? Definitely Maybe
Liam, Noel and Frank Shamelessly havin’ a wank
One day maybe they’ll turn this wine bar back to a bank?
23 Rich // Mar 9, 2010 at 6:55 pm
I got the best flow, Serving the streets like Tesco Metro
You was Netto from the get-go, You best to let go
Sharp like Pat, I cock the hammer back like Timmy
Talk real like the Corkhills, dropping jewels like Jimmy
24 Rich // Mar 9, 2010 at 7:23 pm
Call me Frankie Boyle ‘cos if your shit is weak I’ll mock it
Smooth but did a bid that’s why they call me Lord Brockett
In my cord pocket keep a johnny ‘cos who else be
Hitting the e-20 and snogging that fox Chelsea?
25 I be Illin in ealing // Mar 9, 2010 at 7:33 pm
Rich wins with the straight dope Yo!
26 Rich // Mar 9, 2010 at 7:48 pm
Watch me rip this flow, Call me Hovis when I get the dough
You’re Wee Jimmy Crankie, I’m The God Jimmy Clitheroe
I’m front page like Freddie Flintoff on the pedaloe, pissed
While no-one knows your name like those dames Joe Fagan kissed.
27 Johnny Depth // Mar 10, 2010 at 4:00 am
I’ve got to big up Rich for the Theo Paphitis line. That’s what I’m talking about. All things considered, Rich, I think you should be the man to take the highlights and assemble them into some kind of 24-bar structure.
28 brian beck from wiscompton // Mar 10, 2010 at 6:49 am
Rich // Mar 9, 2010 at 6:55 pm
I got the best flow, Serving the streets like Tesco Metro
You was Netto from the get-go, You best to let go
http://i50.tinypic.com/10paoeh.gif
29 Drew Huge // Mar 10, 2010 at 8:47 am
It’s loose women e’ywhere when I take a working lunch
Like Eric Hall I’m a monster when it comes to getting a munch
Bank with Lloyds, that’s where I keep my money man
But I stay eating curry for breakfast like I’m Lloyd Honeyghan
Swung and you missed me? That’s cos I’m Errol Christie
Now ask that bitch Toyah Wilcox if she thinks it’s still a mystery
Midi’s by Alba, TV is strictly Bush
turn it on to see Noel Edmonds deading Michael Lush
30 Drew Huge // Mar 10, 2010 at 9:06 am
Yo, this is where we rock ice by Ratner, overcook our pasta
Cheer on Doctor Who as he overcomes The Master
We make our food just for Gregg Wallace, Hills are strictly Dollis
Stopped watching Bond after that Quantum of Solace
Still go to Dolcis for our pointy shoes
But you can get Took like Barry if we don’t like your points of view
Fuck a duvet, we leave the Togs to Wogan
And it’s not too shabby to stick it to Gabby Logan
It’s where Derek Wilton can’t even knock Mavis up
It’s where we make a racket because we’re shit at the Davis Cup
it’s where we don’t get horny we get randy, fuck your girl bandy
Fuck Radio Shack too, cop our cables from Tandy
And she ain’t a Brit but we love Mrs Mangle, like we still love Spangles
Claire’s Accessories: place to be for bangles
yup, Britain is strange yet ill
Fat Lace crew’ll steal your sausage on some old Grange Hill
31 Johnny Depth // Mar 10, 2010 at 9:15 am
I wanna say our guns go boom boom like Basil Brush
But that shit’s out of place like whites in Shepherds Bush
We pack heaters but we got ‘em at British Gas
And that’s real like Nici Sterling taking it in the ass
My daily Sport is to shine like the Sun
But I gets Wensleydale from the Guardian dun
I used to Club on the Razzle but I ain’t done lately
I’m 36 – that shit’s dead like Stephen Gately
Run up in Soho and sip the wine there
Lyric? Somebody want The Lyric? Yeah
My rap’s like my bank card – I’ve got multi-function lines
While your shit’s more confused than Spaghetti Junction signs
32 Johnny Depth // Mar 10, 2010 at 9:25 am
Like the Beeb in 2000 I like to control a Dyke
Make her drop to her knees and say “which Spud-U-Like?”
When I ride her tube I go from Cockfosters to Mudchute
Be like my AK’s full of KP when she sees my nuts shoot
33 keith the peace // Mar 10, 2010 at 9:33 am
Buckfast in plastic bottles makes the Glottle stop
Doesn’t help with the flow when I’m spitting hip hop,
The Abbey monks with the funk to make Lanark rock
Big love to Brother Abbot fae yer mate, wee Jock.
34 keith the peace // Mar 10, 2010 at 9:35 am
I’m bealin’ cos you’re stealin’ all the rhymes that I’m dealin’,
So piss off before I creep like The Nonce, but with feelin’,
Rag you like a shell suit bought from the market in Ealing,
Smash yer bonce with a fancy vase from the back door of Heals’, son.
35 keith the peace // Mar 10, 2010 at 9:42 am
Leilani, Sam Fox, Maria Whittaker,
Jo Guest and Sam Cooke (the one with no knickers)
Lucy Pinder, Jodie Marsh, they’re all page 3,
But the queen of them all is Lusardi.
36 keith the peace // Mar 10, 2010 at 9:55 am
Who’s comin at ya?
Cleopatra?
I’ll attack ya like a gorilla slappin’ Attenborough.
You’re the royal hanger on that doesn’t need no bra,
Fuck off and free park in your G-Wiz car.
37 Rich // Mar 10, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Testing me? You must have bottle like you worked at Threshers
My whole gang’ll press ya, like Dexter Fletcher
Call me Gok Wan, your girl lets me undress her
Then she gets the Claypole like that Rentaghost jester
38 Rich // Mar 10, 2010 at 4:47 pm
I’m like Smith’s Salt n’ Shake the way I leave your crew shook
Then take your squeeze on a shopping spree to New Look
Plus you can call me Clinton’s when I pull your card, yo,
And end your whole programme like Eldorado
39 Rich // Mar 10, 2010 at 5:29 pm
I”ll crystal a-maze you kid, my styles are cryptic
I’m magic on the mic, motherfucker, call me Wizbit
Like haha this-a-way, leaving crews in disarray
You was all talk like Clive, now it seems you ain’t got shit to say
40 Rich // Mar 10, 2010 at 5:43 pm
My ministy brings the mayhem like Stephen Mulherne
The illest, see, like Willoughby, take your spot like you were Fern
But we don’t dance on ice, we simply run the hood
Step to us we’ll make you Michael, leave you under wood
41 Rich // Mar 10, 2010 at 6:01 pm
On the mic like Alan P with the badge on my blazer
I’ve got so many styles they call me House of Fraser
Step to me and it’s a fact that you will get scarred, boss
Got my team behind the scenes like I’m managing Argos
42 Dom Grande // Mar 10, 2010 at 7:06 pm
I cause scandal when I speak like my name was Big Ron
You ain’t Wogan or Brucie, but I’m still splittin’ ya wig, son
Cuz I’m destroying my peers, like high winds down in Margate
Fat Lace crew: we stay leaving MCs hanging like Mark Speight
43 Rich // Mar 10, 2010 at 7:19 pm
A-yo, our dogs stay on watch like Nicky Campbell
Test our style? You must be Darren Osborne, kid, that’s a risky gamble.
Have your dome leakin’ like the mouth on Joey Deacon
Makin lovejoy to your bird, give her something for the weekend
44 big ted (not the DJ, the one off playschool) // Mar 11, 2010 at 8:19 am
yo, fuck coming political like chuck d and paris, we keep it live like orville and keith harris,
your tryin to be young jeez, we on some bob carlogees
you cant
spit like spit the dog, we got hits like bernie winters and shnorbitz,
and fuck rappin about Krull it’s all about Rod Hull and Emu
on the SP1200, we flow like floella, all about the benjamins.
45 Johnny Depth // Mar 11, 2010 at 8:21 am
Rich is still the man as far as I can see.
46 Rich // Mar 11, 2010 at 3:42 pm
I bang harder that John Deed’s gavel
Rocking truck gold and shellsuits like my man Jimmy Saville
Call me Bill Oddie ‘cos I’m hangin’ where your bird is at
All up in her jersey like that motherfucker Bergerac
47 Rich // Mar 11, 2010 at 4:01 pm
I’m Deacon with the dumb flow, diamonds done by Umbro
I entertain your girl every night like The One Show
She likes my mad style, So you can front like you’re bad, child
But all the while you’re getting less sex than Cadfael
48 sg // Mar 11, 2010 at 5:06 pm
you suckers are about as hard as john barryman,
your flow reminds of des o’conner and val donican
flapping your mouth like frank bruno, you know what i mean harry
your rhymes are about as interesting as gareth barry
see you in the street, i’ll leave you red and bleeding
with a face more disfigured than yvette fielding
49 Rich // Mar 11, 2010 at 6:01 pm
We run the risk like Peter Simon with ever street assignment
You couldn’t son us, kid, if you were Wayne and we were Wyman
From the streets of good old Blighty’s where our motherfucking crew hails
Sticking up the local Co-Op, then we jet like Diane Youdale.
50 Johnny Depth // Mar 12, 2010 at 4:17 am
My shit gets more spin than James Tredwell
You can call me Bernard Manning – I’m doing dead well
Throw your ass in the Thames, sink a beer at De Hems
I’m like Ratner with Parkinsons the way I drop gems
Light your back up like the Ottery tar races
Show your girl my little friend, and it ain’t Scarface’s
Yes, that’s some US shit but it ain’t hard to swallow
Because I got a copy that I nicked from my local Apollo.
51 End Level Boss // Mar 12, 2010 at 5:46 am
I get fresh, like Gilbert and Gaz
You fuck up so much, you kind of act like a spaz
I’m fab, you could say absolutely
I’m the top banana, like an opal you’re fruity
Hotter than page 3 of the Sun
Yes my shit is currant like a Chelsea bun
Birds can’t resist me, I get finger and tops daily
Whilst you’re muff-diving skets more fishy than Kayleigh
I got correcter grammar than Words & Pictures’ Wordy
I get a shiner from your dorris while I sip on a Purdys
I’m going to End this now like Crouch, like Peter
Do the robot by my Economy 7 heater
52 Jasper Beardley // Mar 12, 2010 at 6:36 am
Tizer is a popular drink, and it still is
I got beef like the real-life son of Doug Willis
53 H // Mar 12, 2010 at 7:24 am
I’m fast and it shows
overseas you ain’t seen me
right
I make less sense than
Rowley Birkin QC
might – y Super like Gran
Smashing Great MCs
like trees
through conservatories
in unexpected breeze
Fish missed by Michael
Don’t tell him Pike, I’ll
not claim to be Jet Set
I’m more Miner
but striking
like Hugh I make Lolly
just not in the US, yet
like back when his House Would be
more on that P.G. Tip
I Fry with that oxbridge wit
More Monkey Manic than Stephen, leave’em
Stig of the dumped
in the rubbish tip, with
my sesquipedalian quip
more Selfish than Will
still ill like The Smiths was
more messy that Tiswas
while you’re more like Posh Paws
But I do have my own flaws, so
I’ll get my coat.
54 Jasper Beardley // Mar 12, 2010 at 8:56 am
Leave a mark on your neck like you Dominic Cork
You gay, got eyes on balls like an end game of Terrahawks
Johnny Briggs is yo’ man? Yeah, you’ve no need for Razzle
I leave long aftertaste, just call me Mr Frazzles
Sock you in the eye, now you’re a mate of Penfold
I’m epic, born in Mysterious Cities of Gold
55 Jasper Beardley // Mar 12, 2010 at 10:04 am
I’m Ryu or Ken, you be the 3 Ninja Kids
You spooked, seeing Bobby Simpson in your fridge
Your bitches? All rejects on Blind Date
Or worse, Veronica Dribblethwaite
Leave you laid out like Tiff in the East End
Have you jerking like the worm out of Let’s Pretend
Or The Funky Worm, remember how to Hustle?
I’ll be the one you to love to hate, word to Mr Muscle
56 Rich // Mar 12, 2010 at 10:10 am
Like Mary Whitehouse we address the heathen
We the best breathin’, got the club on lock with mutton chops like Geoff Keegan
Crews get butchered like Ricky ‘cos our skills be ill and tricky
Fat Lace click be steady building, flipping words like Bill the Brickie
57 Jasper Beardley // Mar 12, 2010 at 11:30 am
Flip you in a dogpile? Now that’s a real Ruxpin
Call me Teddy, and meet my man Dusty Bin
Like old skool rap producers, you can’t see me
But I shine like club badges made by Panini
58 Rich // Mar 13, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Out here the coolest cat in leather’s Tucker J not Fonzarelli
Our fam’s composed of cons like we were relatives of Shelley
Run the streets like Johnny Briggs dropping rhymes that sound amazing
Fat Lace kids bringing the drama like the Children’s Film Foundation
59 Dom Grande // Mar 13, 2010 at 5:22 pm
The latest Klashenkoff joint contains the line “Split your wig like Nicky Clarke”. Clearly he’s been taking notes.
60 DJ MartinRsoul // Mar 15, 2010 at 6:14 am
take more pride in my county than i do in my country, west yorkshires White Rose is what Im about see,
From N.OW, Greenpeace to First Word’s Kidkanevil get your feet n mind movin more than a ferret stote or weasil thats stuck down your kegs looking for an exit
Leeds, West Yorkshire the White Rose county bringin it live n direct with DJ MartinRsoul always coming correct with his regional dialect
Yorkshire born Yorkshire bread with a twist of Celt and a twist of Dread nuff said!!!
61 Drew Huge // Mar 16, 2010 at 1:18 pm
It’s where Biggins is on safari with Hurricane Higgins
A picnic, pies courtesy of Mrs Miggins
Our retired soap stars always stay fly
Kathy Beale divorced Pete to suck cocks in a layby
think your clique is mean? soft as Letitia Dean
rolling with Rolly, rockin’ haircuts like 80’s goalies
We take our holidays with dudes at Hoseasons
and there’s always more reasons to shop at Morrisons
think that was assonance? call an ambulance
to holby city, you was blinded by a thomas dolby ditty
you ain’t black you’re wack, we’re much blacker, jack
you couldn’t crush a grape if you watched Crackerjack
If Starlight Express doesn’t appeal then Cats will
For us, West End shows are Child’s Play like Michael Aspel
You’re busy rhymin’? We’re busy playin’ Simon
and Grandstand Astro Wars then we Manic Minin’
10 Print “All your crew is bent”
and we outta here, 20 Goto 10
62 big ted (not the DJ, the one off playschool) // Mar 16, 2010 at 5:11 pm
end level boss. was shante on get fresh with gaz top back in the day or did I just imagine it? cheers.
63 Morgz // Mar 17, 2010 at 5:06 am
You stepping to me mate that’s fuckin tragic/cos i’ll twat you in a breath and still have time to spank my monkey magic/my crew be murderous here to rape and pillage/like the dad of vicky the viking and his warlords with Their aim at a village
64 Johnny Depth // Mar 17, 2010 at 5:25 am
I’m kind of fat these days but gym’ll fix it
For the now, call me Half Man Half Biscuit
When your girl sees me she wills cocks like Toyah
Cos of how I be chainin’ letters like Paul Coia
I’m going Nationwide like Lawley, Sue
Call me National Express because I surely do
Got your bitch giving me head, rim, blumpies, busted nuts
Because I make you look wacker than Dumpy’s Rusty Nuts
The Oxy 10 on your face is the only way you get cream, bub
Now let’s dead this and go play the quizzies in a theme pub.
65 Drew Huge // Mar 17, 2010 at 8:36 am
The very best way to get your dome cracked?
Clog up the pubs on Paddy’s day, rocking the foam hats
Having trouble stacking cheddar due to early closing banks
You sitting on chrome? We’re sitting on Armitage Shanks
Battle me? You’re Simon Callow with a chance in a million
I’ve got bigger Fish to fry like clapping dude from Marillion
Your money’s short, why don’t you tell me what you’re funds worth
Before I leave you in loving memory like Ivy Unsworth
You say you’re old school or new school when you flow
but fat lace says down with skool as any fule kno
you dozy like Daily Mail mums with the MMR jab
We steal your whole identity on some Andy McNab
66 Richie Sodapop // Mar 18, 2010 at 5:48 pm
I use a rubber johnny/ when I’m having a posh wank/
Otherwise it gets messy/ Peter Duncan in the gunge tank
67 BillyNick // Mar 26, 2010 at 9:17 pm
any fule kno….brownosing aside that made my day.
Word to Nigel Molesworth.
Standard is too high to compete with
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