Rapper’s Retirement Rides #19

Whenever Liverpool get a flukey refereeing decision to win a game, you can guarantee Rafa Benitez will stand there in the post-match interview barely able to conceal his smugness as he pontificates that, yes, Carragher handballed it but these things always have a way of evening themselves out over the course of a season as Liverpool will be sure to get some future decisions going against them.

Although he’s sure to piss and moan about the future decisions going against them when they actually occur as witnessed on sunday, he may have a point. Benitez may not know jackshit about orchestrating a team to premiership victory (or, indeed, the Champions League : Harry Kewell to start?) but the ludicrously goateed buffoon does seem to have a grasp on the cruel, course-correcting nature of the rap game, where the only place you’re gonna be around next year is the mop bucket at your local fast-food emporium.

Example numero uno : You can condemn poor old K. Solo to the rap-scrapheap when you nick perfectly fine Erick Sermon beats from him and waste them as you then proceed to spit your asinine yippedy-yabbedy, dibba-dabba-dinosaur Scatman John nonsense all over them and go on to spoil equally accomplished DJ Premier, Easy Mo Bee and Pete Rock beats in much the same intolerable way but, eventually, the career which has kept you in a life of endless M-65 jackets and the Cat In The Hat Dr Seuss books you bite your rhymes from will come to a close when karma catches up with you and consigns your ass to the welfare line and nights spent sleeping in your automobile after wifey has kicked you out for wasting your seed’s college money  to fund your terrible 2003 comeback album. An admittably nice automobile with personalised numberplates, but an automobile nontheless.

Which was the best use of ‘Blind Man Can See It’ by James Brown?

Diggedy Das EFX

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Riggedy Robert Hall

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