MC’s Act Like They Don’t Know #2: E=MC Hammer

In our second instalment of MC’s Act Like They Don’t Know, we hooked up with baggy trousered rap artist MC Hammer.

FL: Hello MC Hammer. Welcome to MC’s Act Like They Don’t Know. First up, what have you been doing since the early 90’s?

MCH: Well, after I released Too Legit To Quit I released two more albums and then in hindsight realised I should have quit after all. Since then I’ve been working in my local Spa supermarket. I really love it and know everybody on first name terms. I feel we offer a truly local alternative to the big supermarkets. We really provide that personal touch.

FL: We’re glad the career change has worked out for you. Speaking of personal touch, that leads us onto the first question. What was your biggest US hit?

MCH: Easy, ‘U can’t Touch This’.

FL: Actually it was ‘Pray’. We threw you a curveball there and it was a bit of a trick question so we’ll move on. Try this one. What was your biggest selling album?

MCH: Easy peasy, ‘U Can’t Touch This’.

FL: Actually that was the name of your second best selling single but it was taken from your best selling album ‘Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em’. OK, we can see where this is going. Let’s try this. Consider this scenario MC Hammer. Let’s say I present you with a very rare plant. The plant’s biological make holds the key to a cure for AIDS. It’s very delicate and one of the last remaining on the planet. Any human contact could alter its healing properties. Now complete this sentence: “Hammer, this plant holds the key to a cure for AIDS, you can look at it but ______________ plant”.

MCH: Err, hmm, is it “you can look but you will die of AIDS if you touch this plant?

FL: That’s not what we had in mind MC Hammer. Crikey. OK, let’s try this scenario. Mrs Smith is having a new conservatory fitted to her house. The two workmen Mike and Dave have almost finished for the day and are excited about heading to the pub for a few cold drinks. They’re about to insert the last part of the frame before heading off but it’s proving a little tricky and requires some force. Dave asks Mike to pass him something to easy the final part in place. Mike cheekily passes him the wrong tool. Dave snaps back with this sentence, can you fill in the blank? “Mike, it’s not spanner time, it’s ______ time”.

MCH: Err, hmm, err, is it “Mike, it’s not spanner time, it’s your round today and if we don’t hurry up we’ll be lucky if we make it to the pub for closing time”?

FL: No, that’s not the answer we had in mind. Let’s give it one more shot. The Latin translation of the phrase `Which was to be proved` provided what abbreviation?

MCH: Err, Hammmmer time? No, err, U Can’t Touch This, no wait, err, is it Q.E.D. an abbreviation of Quod Erat Demonstrandum?

FL: Correct MC Hammer, you scored one point. Well done and good luck at Spa.

MCH: Thanks Fat Lace and look out for my new album coming out on Death Row Records very soon.

Here’s the awesome Apache sampling ‘Turn This Mutha Out’ which Westwood used to spin in his N Sign days….

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