With the Olympics dominating all our telly boxes right now we thought we’d draw up a world-class team of our very own and provide a suitable soundtrack to the four-yearly delights of international Badminton. Akinyele might not be into what he calls that ‘physical fit shit’, but we know you real cats enjoy watching 14-year-old Brits in wet Speedos and Paula Radcliffe doing a poo in the street. It’s obvious that China are going to head the medal table, with a bonus gold for oppression and silver for synchronised mowing down of citizens in tanks (damn, that just got Fat Lace banned on the interweb in China – we’re sorry Jin, we’ll send you a PDF). As for the Brits, let’s get behind ‘em with some Nice & Smooth positive thinking: G-O-L-D, G-O-L-D, G-O-L-D…’. Oh, and feel free to add to our exhaustive list of big punnery.

NO ID – The Real Weightlifting

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Fat Lace Olympic Team:

A Tribe Called Equestrian

Sporty Thievz

Gold-Medal-Money

Cilva-Medal-Ringz

Mike Air Pistol (from UBC)

Taekwondo Your Business

Track and Field Masterz

Gymnasty Nas

Shorty Long Jump

Pentathlon Players Click

Handball & MJG

Taekwondo The Chef

Audley Harrison Two

Ken Sport

Bronze-Medal Nazareth

Everlast AKA Whitbread Ford

Show Jumping & AG

R Kelly Holmes

Java Lin Que

Zola Collie Budz

Sebastian Coe Flow

Team GB – Extra abstract Sculls

Mad Sculls – Extra Abstract Sculls

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The Fat Lace Olympic Soundtrack:

Noyd – Small Bore Shoot ‘Em Up

Two Kings In A Cipher – Kings Are Steeplechasers Too

Necro – I Need Drugs Testing

Eric B & Rakim – Chinese Arithmetic

Big Daddy Kane – Lyrical Gymnastics

Gang Starr – Daley Thompson Operation

Brand Nubian – Punks Show Jump Up To Get Beat Down

Hurricane Chris – Ay Bay Bayjing

Common – Like Water-Polo For Chocolate

Main Source – Just A Friendly Game of Baseball

NWA – 100 Metres and Runnin’

Royal Flush – Iced Down Medals

House Of Pain – Show Jump Around

Wu Tang Clan – Olympic Pinky Ring

Carl Lewis & Pop Da Brown Hornet Go The Lap

Pop Da Brown Hornet – Let’s Go The Lap

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Freak L – When The Pentathlon Hits The Paper

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