Rappers Retirement Homes #15

With his recurring role as Cheese in ‘The Wire’ and occasional appearances in such fodder as ‘C.S.I.’ and ‘Garden State’, Method Man has long been a better actor than he is a rapper. And he isn’t exactly Laurence Olivier up in that thespian bitch. The PR hyperbole surrounding every comeback release – ‘This is the original Meth, focussed and better than ever before’ – is about as believable as the Hitler Diaries. Our solution to the oil crisis? Melt down all the unsold copies of ‘Tical 9′ or whatever he’s up to. Vinyl has got oil in it hasn’t it? We’re not sure. What are we, scientists? (Which, incidentally, is what We Are Scientists would be called if they were Jewish)

Still, there’s something Johnny Blaze is better at than both rapping and acting, and that’s at having a French hotel. Strangely, there’s no smoking allowed at Meth’s ski joint in Val Thorens in Rhone-Alpes. Hypocrite. But it’s fondue or boogaloo every night for celebrity guests like Ski from Original Flavor, Snow, any rapper called Ice, Toboggan Shakur and Luge Knight. And The Avalanches.


9 Responses to "Rappers Retirement Homes #15"
  1. Reply Cato the Censor June 24, 2008 15:37 pm

    The Fatlace random comparison train rolls on – Method Man’s album PR and the infamous forged Hitler diaries. Please do more of these. Maybe you could compare the Jay-Z / Nas beef to the Blair-Brown rivalry, or the break up of NWA to the collapse of the Warsaw Pact. Actually, these are far too obvious for you lot. I really can’t wait for your next one.

    As for Mr Mef, you’re maybe a bit unkind. Okay, he’s never produced a solid gold classic solo album, but he’s still an excellent rapper – voice, flow, charisma – he’s got it all. Wu-Tang would not have been the same without him, and although he’s not their best in terms of pure mic skills, in terms of mass appeal he’s the closest they get to a genuine superstar in their ranks, in my opinion.

    Also, for the record, track 8 on Tical O: the Prequel is called Tease, and it’s a major guilty pleasure of mine. I just wanted to share that with you all.

  2. Reply Tea la Kettle June 24, 2008 19:39 pm

    How about Meth’s partner in rhyme, Sledman?

  3. Reply Tea la Kettle June 24, 2008 19:46 pm

    Chilly Rob G
    Just Ice

  4. Reply Tea la Kettle June 24, 2008 19:48 pm

    Phil Most Chill!!!

  5. Reply brian beck from wisconsin June 25, 2008 12:04 pm

    Kid Frost too, obv.

    Cold Dirty Bastard.

    Chilly’s Most Wanted.

    Very harsh here, though. Meth’s verses were about the only good thing about the last Wu album and he killed that remake of Broken Language with Redman.

    The last scene he appeared in during the Finale of The Wire was amazing too.

  6. Reply Burn TDI June 25, 2008 21:04 pm

    Snowbiz & AG
    Young Freezey

  7. Reply End Level Boss June 26, 2008 07:41 am

    Cold Slush Brothers
    Freezey-E
    Sleet Rock & CL Smooth
    Black Diamond Run & the Psychotic Neurotics
    Kool Mogul Dee
    Prime Minister Piste Nice
    Sleigh-Z
    The Luge Professor
    Ghostface Chiller
    The Piste-y Boys

    …that’s enough for now.

  8. Reply Dan Large June 26, 2008 10:51 am

    ELB, you win. Genius.

    T Ski Valley
    Lord Aliba- ski
    MC Mitch-ski
    Any Given Ski Sunday
    Sledman
    DJ Kay Sleigh

  9. Reply Franklin Mint, Last Of The Big Spenders June 29, 2008 11:23 am

    What….no Glaciers Of Ice?

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