We’ve always been motivated and inspired by the motto ‘Don’t hate, congratulate’. Well, after hearing recent efforts from white rappers the world over, we’ve done enough congratulating for this lifetime. Hence we kick off our long overdue Stop Crackers Rapping Campaign. Here are the aims:
1) Stop cracker ass crackers rapping.
2) That’s it.
Now, we’re not ig’nant. We know some crackers have kicked it. That’s why we’re introducing the Fat Lace licensing system, whereby some crackers get a rap pass. Every few days the Stop Crackers Rapping Star Chamber will meet and issue or revoke licenses based on current and recent performance. There will be permanent bans, and lifetime passes for those rare crackers who deserve it.
Sensitive idiots, pause before filling the comments section with your bile. Actually, don’t, we can just ignore it. Instead, use the time while you wait for your next free Rapidshare slot to open up to take a look around like Masta Ace and tell us who we should be banning for life, and who gets a ride.
So we’re putting off Easter until next year, we’re calling this the Anti-White Weekend. Who will be on our hit-list and who made the shit-list, check back to see who gets passed and failed. And if you’re a rapping cracker reading this heed the words of Rakim Allah “drop the mic, you shouldn’t be holdin’ it”.
75 responses so far ↓
1 lace da booze // Mar 21, 2008 at 8:36 am
L.Man, Eminem, Paul Wall – Ban
Chester P, Jehst, Life – Pass
2 Give Thizz To Yo Kidz // Mar 21, 2008 at 9:31 am
^^ Lucky you gave Chester a pass, he otherwise might’ve made a diss song about you
Pass – Ill Bill, Necro, Mr Hyde, Slaine, Everlast, Big Left
3 grandson of bezerk // Mar 21, 2008 at 10:41 am
Ugly Duckling, L.Man, Stig Of The Dump, Dr Syntax, -ban
Grimlok, Scorzayze, Cappo , Skinnyman – pass
4 JMack // Mar 21, 2008 at 10:46 am
Yeah because we know that no black rappers suck. Because if you’re black, you’re born a great rapper.
Ignorance at it’s finest. Kill yourself.
5 jacobs cream cracker // Mar 21, 2008 at 10:50 am
Shameless – pass for his music, but a ban on himmaking videos like this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7MbI7JusTw
plan b – total ban for life
6 jacobs cream cracker // Mar 21, 2008 at 10:52 am
actually, if that’s your first taste of Shamless, trust me he makes better tunes than that one too!
7 jacobs cream cracker // Mar 21, 2008 at 10:53 am
Example -ban, ban ,ban and enforced haircut.
8 jacobs cream cracker // Mar 21, 2008 at 10:58 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-JEC2y58WQ
grimlok – check him.
9 jacobs cream cracker // Mar 21, 2008 at 11:04 am
The best UK white rapper ever…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uF4Vs89yrC8
10 jacobs cream cracker // Mar 21, 2008 at 11:07 am
ps.that was MC Tunes from back in the day in the link above not Jehst putting on a manc accent.
11 salvador darlo // Mar 21, 2008 at 1:03 pm
L.Man, Eminem, Paul Wall – Ban
Chester P, Jehst, Life – Pass
^jesus
12 brian beck from wisconsin // Mar 21, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Anyone associated with La Coka Nostra has to be banned, especially Everlast for now resembling Walter Sobchak and jumping from trend to trend his entire career.
Any rapper from the UK who is white also needs a ban. White skin + UK accent = no. Pitman is the only possible exception to the rule.
Eminem can’t decide if he wants to be a satirist of pop rap or an angry trailer park thug so he needs a ban, as does Cage who is just the most pathetic identity crisis suffering rapper of all time.
Ugly Duckling, El P, Sage Francis, Paul Barman, Esoteric, Aesop Rock, the cracker who rapped on the first N.E.R.D album, High & Mighty all deserve banning.
Alchemist has a knack for ruining perfectly good QB thug rap tracks with his awful tones he deserves a ban.
Paul Wall has a few moments but he’s been a repeatitious parody for at least 3 years now so he needs banning now unless Cham starts ghostwriting for him again now they’re back together so the jury is out on that one.
Edan makes some good beats but his gimmick is done so he should get a ban for rapping but a pass for beatmaking.
Beastie Boys fell off a long time ago but are still capable of a suprising dope track every now and then like Check It Out and Triple Threat so they can maybe get a pass.
Bubba deserves a pass for his first 2 albums and the 2 or 3 tracks off his 3rd.
R.A has actually gotten better with time, although he was terrible when he first came out, so he deserves a pass.
13 Chris de BO // Mar 21, 2008 at 4:37 pm
NO WONDER Pass for life….Mr BO….or jus Chris Brooke…from NO WONDER..bangin mate….sure theres lots of others….Keep Vanilla Ice in!!…is Fat Joe black or white..??
UNO
http://www.myspace.com/nowonder2008
14 lace da booze // Mar 21, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Until Eminem gets some decent beats and stops talking his mum/daughter all the time he can fuck right off. If his rumoured Primo collabo ever surfaces he better just be on some battle/punchline shit.
I with all ‘retro rappers’ going on the ban list – Edan/Ugly Duckling/various underground UK emcees – If want to hear something that sounds like it was made in 88 I’ll rock some BDP or Ultra thanks.
15 End Level Boss // Mar 21, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Fuck it, ban them all. Every last one of them. Damn cracker ass crackers.
16 Robbie Coltrane aka Cracker // Mar 22, 2008 at 5:13 am
oh, so brian beack is pitman, that figures
pitman – ban for all eternity for crimes against hip hop, a one joke wonder.
verb-t – ban
17 Robbie Coltrane aka Cracker // Mar 22, 2008 at 5:15 am
braintax – ban…oh, thnak god he’s made his last (and best???!) album.
18 Bring Back Black Rap // Mar 22, 2008 at 6:33 am
Crapathy and Copywhite should be banned for numerous reasons not necessarily related to rapping. Yakballz for the name alone. Vinnie Paz for making awful space rap and then making even more retarded tuff guy rap. Mr. Eon for ruining some great beats when Mighty Mi was in his prime. Everlast for every song after “Syndication”. Aesop Rock for buying Percee-P pizza for a week until he made a song with him. Serch for dancing in the “Wezal’ video. Anyone who tries the ‘crazy white boy’ schtick and then accuses other whitey’s of stealing his style. Esoteric for wearing shoe boxes on his feet. Bubba Sparx for trying to make wrasslin’ pigs cool. That whiny cockblower from Atmosphere for trying to make depressed high-brow art rap.
Pass- Haystak for ‘Car Fulla White Boys’. J-Force based on ‘For All Doze’ alone. Beastie Boys have a permanent pass for ‘Shot Homeboy In His Fuckin’ Face’. Big Red who made that record with Diamond was OK I guess but who gives a fuck.
19 Robbie Coltrane aka Cracker // Mar 22, 2008 at 9:59 am
oh yeah Atmospehere – lifetime ban
sage francis – lifetime ban
Bobito – pass, he’s not even a real rapper and he’s better than all those
mentioned above.
Tarrie B -pass (only kidding)
20 Robbie Coltrane aka Cracker // Mar 22, 2008 at 10:00 am
princess superstar – pass…me a gun.
21 Robbie Coltrane aka Cracker // Mar 22, 2008 at 10:00 am
charlie sloth – ban
22 Robbie Coltrane aka Cracker // Mar 22, 2008 at 10:02 am
super t aka sundragon – pass, if he hadn’t retired from the mic.
23 lace da booze // Mar 22, 2008 at 11:41 am
Sundragon all day long!
24 Robbie Coltrane aka Cracker // Mar 22, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I forgot the worst UK white rapper ever: John The White Rapper aka JTWR…oh my god, a ban is too light a punishment for his wackness.
The white guy from Brotherhood – ban, for blanking me back in 1994 when I tried to talk to him at a jam and for being crap.
Junior G – if I had a time machine I’d go back to electro rock and give him a ban.
What happened to the white guy from Lords Of Rap?
Debut 75 aka 1/2 of Metaforce – ban and Tom Dartnell if he ever picks up a mic again.
25 Robbie Coltrane aka Cracker // Mar 22, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Mike Skinner -ban…he’s not really a rapper, but he’s been in HHC a lot so ban on him and a ban on the white one from oxide & neutrino and any boy band member that tries to rap especially Robbie Williams.
26 met to the cee // Mar 22, 2008 at 1:29 pm
MC Groove from Derby – ban
27 jack // Mar 22, 2008 at 3:22 pm
professor green can jog on. massively shit.
28 jack // Mar 22, 2008 at 3:26 pm
remedy. ban.
29 jacobs cream cracker // Mar 22, 2008 at 4:27 pm
oh yeah, prof green is useless, semtex always bigs him up but he’s wack…
30 jacobs cream cracker // Mar 22, 2008 at 4:27 pm
styles of beyond – pass…they just need some better beats like they had on the 1st album.
31 jacobs cream cracker // Mar 22, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Fat Hed…undecided, sometimes I like him sometimes his voice grates me…that 12″ he put out with kurt &motion man was nice…
Visionaries…not into the godly stuff, but they make some pretty decent tunes, well the dilla one and love (hip hop) were nice so pass for those.
ADOR – pass
32 jacobs cream cracker // Mar 22, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Pass to this guy(R.I.P)…
http://www.youtube.com/v/8chhZ1f-VO4&hl=en
hey, is Stig Of The Dump his lovechild?
33 Crackerjack with Stu Francis // Mar 22, 2008 at 8:21 pm
what about these… pass or ban? I wouldn’t fancy slappin’ a ban on someone who’s alias is ‘the shit starter’…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoT9XVyJoTo
34 Crackerjack with Stu Francis // Mar 22, 2008 at 8:23 pm
OK…ban them all…ban them all!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2GJ3Hw9r4s&feature=related
35 Doesn't matter if your black or white // Mar 22, 2008 at 8:27 pm
pass for this guy (2nd MC)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lGDQi0Zq1k
36 Doesn't matter if your black or white // Mar 22, 2008 at 8:32 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4uPJC3VKFY&feature=related
37 jack // Mar 23, 2008 at 12:14 am
paul barman. pony. utter pony.
38 FrozenAssets // Mar 23, 2008 at 4:06 am
Man … I see you sure do like white women … it’s just the men you’re bashin’ right? Ahem, you should be bannin’ based on your “OPINION” of bad quality, not *crackerness*. But then again, you the hell gives one good goddamn about your opinion anyways? I just found this board by accident and doubt there will be a need to stop back again since I judge music by my taste and not by some “ban” list, hip-hop or otherwise. Why limit yourself? Oh, I know, this must be some small dicked jihad. That explains everything …
39 Robbie Coltrane aka Cracker // Mar 23, 2008 at 5:50 am
White Rock & Ron
White Attack
White Star
White Spade
Pitch White
White Sheep
White Market Militia
The White Jays
40 i the t // Mar 23, 2008 at 5:58 am
pass or ban ?
http://www.zshare.net/audio/9376091f381ac1/
41 too white.... too weak.... // Mar 23, 2008 at 8:22 am
shouldn’ t it be black people who decide which white people are allowed to rap ?
but isn’t it only white people who post on here ?
regardless, on the whole, it is entirely arguable that white people can’t rap normally.
its either too complex, too obscene, too extreme or just too spurious.
white man is the spectator of rap, not the creator.
white man choose to wait and distance themselves, like with jazz, until black people have moved on to another offshoot before engaging with the form.
they think “the only good black music is a dead one”. hence the golden era, not-what-it-used-to-be-ethos.
42 salvador darlo // Mar 23, 2008 at 8:26 am
^ the most spot on blog comment in internet history
43 2000 White // Mar 23, 2008 at 9:28 am
Don’r be silly, we all know Malcolm McClaren invented Hip Hop and Arthur Baker took it to the next level,…Chad Chackson invented srctaching and theodore copied him. everyone knows that. Actually it’s tru that Jazzy Jeff bit CJ Mackintosh or someone for Touch Of Jazz, that came from a trustworthy source.
44 7EVEN // Mar 23, 2008 at 10:09 am
HEY ROBBIE COLTRANE!!! BOBBITO IS PUERTO ROCK!!! NOT BLANCO!!!!!
45 inferior anatomical structure // Mar 23, 2008 at 10:24 am
yeah but we all came from africa in the first place,
and even before that earth used to be one big continent so we must all be the same and all entitled to rap eh ?
but why do we always stop at talking about africans being the original man…
why not take it back futher to the single celled amoeba stage, that be the real old skool original shit, humans tryin to claim originality but we new school like academies.
btw, what the *whistle* is that i the t track ? there’s something otherworldy about that shit, especially the singing bit. i listened to it with headphones and felt weird and sad afterwards…
46 Robbie Coltrane aka Cracker // Mar 23, 2008 at 10:57 am
In reply to 7Even oh yeah, duh, of course he is! Must be why he’s got skills beyond that of the white man.
Lets take it back to ‘79…. 79 seconds after life first started, big up the first bacterial lifeforms on earth who were getting down in the primordial soup.
47 Doesn't matter if your black or white // Mar 23, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Pass to this crew right here!…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdlOoYTDOC4
48 Greg 'Who Got The' Proops // Mar 23, 2008 at 2:26 pm
My Lp’s out this summer, gonna kock 50 off the top spot fa sheeeezle.
49 Greg 'Who Got The' Proops // Mar 23, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Big up Paul Merton too, he may have been a bitmic shy back then but he’s been having rappin’ lessons from your very own UK rap queen Lady Soverign Ring and he’s got a verse on my LP, he kills it.
50 MISTA TEE // Mar 23, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Hey! No one’s mentiond the Beastie Boys! surely they should get a pass!
51 MISTA TEE // Mar 23, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Nobody’s mentioned the Beasties Boys! They’ve gotta get a pass!
52 Robbie Coltrane aka Cracker // Mar 24, 2008 at 4:23 am
I think the worst white rapper ever has to got be none other than DAVE the RUFF aka RUF MOUTH or whatever he calls himslef now…if you’ve ever heard his records or been unfortunate enough to see him live then you’ll agree a ban is way too light a punishment for his atrocities.
53 Alan Partridge // Mar 25, 2008 at 6:35 am
I have to agree with 7even: Don’t drag Puerto Ricans/Latinos into this. They ain’t got shit to do with this! Leave Fat Joe and Cypress Hill for another day and another debate. Although fair enough, it’s an easy mistake to make. I have to admit I was mad confused as an 11 year old when I first heard B-Real and Fat Joe using the “N” word in their rhymes. After all, it was the fact that B-Real and DJ Muggs could pass for white dudes, which I’m sure had something to do with their massive UK student following in the UK during the early to mid nineties (that, and their weed endorsements) (please correct me if I’m wrong). You see their ain’t a big Puerto Rican/Latino community in the UK. I remember my first thought, as an impressionable youngster was “are they really allowed to use that word?”. I felt a fool, a fool I tells you, after being schooled on the whole Puerto Rican/Latino thing!
Anyway, back to the debate in hand. May I start with a controversial choice. I’d like to give a pass to actor slash “rappers’ best mate” Michael Rappaport. He’s on some crappy sit-com on UK Living (or some other such shitty channel) at the moment, but you may know him better as Pheobe’s ginge cop boyfriend in Friends. A quick flick through ‘The Black Album’ inlay reveals that he’s crazy tight with Jay-Z. Also, unless I’m very much mistaken, he plays the role of cellmate to Masta Ace on ‘A Long Hot Summer’. And if that wasn’t enough he also kicks a mean rap (over the same beat used once by Biz Markie, aswell as The Gravediggaz on ‘Constant Elevation’) on High & Mighty’s ‘Highlite Zone’. The track’s called ‘How To Rob An Actor’ and I’ve got to say I’m impressed with his mic skills (If indeed he did write his own rhymes). During the track he tells Joan Rivers to “shut the fuck up”, and observantly points out that “Trucker hats are wack”. If all that isn’t enough give him a pass for the aptness of his name alone! Calvin Broadus, Clifford Smith and James Todd Smith would kill for such a cool, and apt, name!!
I feel that MC Serch should get a pass. Yes, he and Pete did pick on easy targets for dissing during the early nineties (MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice), but there’s no denying his mic skills (check out his M.any Y.oung L.ives A.go album if proof were needed).
Eminem definitely deserves a pass. Granted he’s released alot of god awfulness recently, but that’s mainly down to his own piss poor beat making, rather than his mic skills (Dre’s the one I feel sorry for, due to the fact that people too lazy to read the credits assume he does all Eminem’s beats, when infact Slim Shady is behind the boards for alot of his own shit).
Edan – pass. Come on! Even if you dismissed him as a throwback rapper after ‘Primative Plus’, you must have changed your minds upon listening to ‘Beauty and the Beat’. Surely?!
As far as UK white dudes go, you gotta pass Blade?! ‘Lion goes from strength to strength’? ‘The Unknown”? Noone can say he hasn’t got skills. Also Stig Of The Dump should be passed, simply for the way he absolutely destroyed Asher D in that freestyle battle? It was such a mismatch it was embarassing!
As far as bans go, I’d have to agree with MC Paul Barman – He’s just irritating!
Noone else need even mention Mike Skinner anymore, that kind of goes without saying. He should be publicly flogged, nevermind have his rap pass revoked.
As a final thought I would like to point out the fact that microphone wackness isn’t an affliction of all white rappers. For many it is, sure, but for some, no. Some black rappers can suffer from large bouts of microphone wackness too, just look at Melachi The Nutcracker. Hiding behind some of DJ Premier best beats shouldn’t disguise the fact that he couldn’t rap for shit (am I the first to point this out?)
54 Win the G // Mar 25, 2008 at 7:17 am
You’re not the first to mention Melachi – Fat Lace once did a feature called ‘The Wit and Wisdom of Melachi the Nutcracker’ in their old media guise.
55 Alan Partridge // Mar 25, 2008 at 9:42 am
Well I be damned! Great minds…
56 brian beck from wisconsin // Mar 25, 2008 at 11:14 am
Melachi The Nutcracker on Livin’ Proof >> Lil’ Dap on Livin’ Proof
Lil’ Dap’s voice is the audio equivalent of ebola, aids, sars and a monday morning shit.
57 Robbie Coltrane aka Cracker // Mar 25, 2008 at 11:44 am
I like group home, would you tell them to their faces their wack? They sound OK to me.
58 Drew Huge // Mar 25, 2008 at 11:55 am
let’s be very clear – Fat Lace love Group Home. We have everything – everything – they ever did. We can still laugh at Melachi’s lyrics, however.
59 Alan Partridge // Mar 25, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got Livin’ Proof. I thought Lil’ Dap was alright. I just couldn’t help thinking at the time that a whole album’s worth of top-notch beats had gone to waste. If I remember correctly it was released in 1995, at a time when that era of raw New York beats was coming to an end, and beats of that calibre were few and far between. I just thought that had the beats been given to Jeru The Damaja, Nas or even to another Gang Starr project, the results would have been much better. Surely everyone would agree with that?
I still stand by my original statement though: That Melachi was not a very good rapper.
60 7EVEN // Mar 25, 2008 at 10:02 pm
HEY ALAN PARTRIDGE DJ MUGGS IS WHITE…ITALIAN! I AM THE FREAKIN’ RACE SCHOLAR!!! LOL!!!
61 Alan Partridge // Mar 26, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Cheers for the heads up 7even!! To be honest I’ve always assumed Muggs was of the same ethnic origins as B-Real. Just goes to show that you shouldn’t make sweeping assumptions like that! Either way Cypress Hill should get a pass white or otherwise.
I have to admit I’m a little confused as to who qualifies for praise/abuse and who doesn’t. I was under the impression were dealing with straight up Anglo-Saxon here?!
Also I feel it needs pointing out to a few that this is a witch hunt of piss poor contributions to hip-hop made by certain white dudes, not simply naming every white person associated with hip-hop that you can think of, just for the hell of it.
I don’t know whether it was this blog, or one of the others, but I read someone say ban all Jewish DJs from the UK, or something along those lines. As if them being Jewish was the reason for banning them, rather than whether they actually thought they were any good or not! I might be wrong on that one, but that’s how it read to me. Either way I say give all the HHC boys a big fat pass (that’s Dan Greenpeace, Yoda and Andrew Emery). They ain’t done shit wrong.
62 Mattzki // Mar 26, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Can’t believe that no-one mentioned either Blood Of Abraham or the Youngbloodz. Both of whom should have been passed through a car compacter.
But a proper pass to Robert 3D Del Naja. If only for rocking the bright red furry Kangol on the back of the ‘Friends & Countrymen’ 12″
63 sm72 // Mar 29, 2008 at 5:43 am
Pass for John Cena ….. time for me to go back to the asylum!!!!
64 short stuff // Mar 29, 2008 at 6:53 am
check out these guys sickness
myspace.com/rattashco
pass for life
65 Another stupid rap blogger // Sep 19, 2008 at 5:48 pm
How about you see the person and not the skin colour you stupid cunt.
This website is a fucking joke, ah well I don’t think it’ll last long.
66 big cheddar // Mar 9, 2009 at 9:02 pm
this is an obvious attempt by Obama to make reparations for what happened in the past. Soon white people will be banned from eating watermelons and drinking cool-aid.
67 kupa dupa // Mar 11, 2009 at 1:13 pm
wow…u all must be red neck hicks. All of you are retarded, im suprised you know how to use a computer
68 kupa dupa // Mar 11, 2009 at 1:14 pm
P.S. OBAMA SUCKS
69 twatsnatcher // Jan 8, 2010 at 2:18 am
uk rappers run this m8.
70 twatsnatcher // Jan 8, 2010 at 2:19 am
we reinvented english
71 Naylz // Apr 23, 2010 at 8:39 am
Eminem = Considered the top rapper right now, if not ever. The irony? He’s whiter than sour cream. This post is fucked up. Funny shit though!
72 West Chest // Aug 11, 2010 at 2:36 pm
THES ONE is pretty bunk.
dude makes cool beats but his rap skills are not there at all. PUTS make party bbq rap and the lyrics are pretty bad you must admit
73 FATLACE IS 100% white dudes // Aug 11, 2010 at 2:39 pm
You guys and your FAT LACE
you are all WHITE
thats why you HATE white rappers
because you hate yourselves
74 Browniescoop // Aug 11, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Gershwin and Crag Malkovich aka James Dunn.
eh…silly raps and he looks exactly like Gilad the fitness trainer from Israel
Shapeshifters – white rap at its worst
Awol one – more of a “hummer” than an emcee…sings too much and the lyrics are minimal
what about DRAKE or RICK ROSS or BIRD MAN?
these rappers suck pretty bad too but because they are black guys i think its more acceptable
i hate white rap and eminem
75 FarceGrump // Aug 11, 2010 at 3:43 pm
I’d be a white rapper but I can’t think of a word that rhymes with “bigger.”
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