He may be happy as Larry with his just one beat, but when it comes to emcees 9th Wonder loves to collect ‘em all. Possibly quite literally, if the 31 different voices on his new album are anything to go by. So, using a scientifically confirmed formula that takes as much from Kool Moe Dee’s emcee ranking criteria as it does the eerie world of natural mathematics, we’ve ranked them all based on their performance on ‘Dream Merchant Vol 2’. Call it another bored midweek afternoon in the office…

Chaundon – Punchline king who manages to pronounce cleavage as ‘clee-vag’. Sure to be a hit with Freaky Fridays perverts.
Buckshot – Like most of the Duck Down crew, sounds reinvigorated these days.
Big Pooh – Flowing tighter than ever.
Phonte – Spitting smooth as ever.
Joe Scudda – Verse should be re-titled ‘How To Show Up A Saigon’
Jean Grae – Everyone loves Jean Grae.
Geechi Suede – Buy ‘Black Hollywood’ – out now!
Sonny Cheeba – “You know we keep it colourful but never on the Fruit Loop” might be one of those well-intentioned tributes that sound like a dis. Get someone to fact check it.
Median – Underrated Justus League bod.
Naledge – Not his best work, but good to see him socializing with some other students.
Buddy Klein – Very lispy, and violent. Lots of threats.
Royce – You’ve gotta admire his determination, if not much else.
Ness – Good.
O-Dash – Very violent.
Big Treal – Better than someone who sounds like an offshoot from a Mike Jones album should sound.
LEGACY – Confesses to being a Conan The Barbarian fan.
Skyzoo – He’s a Justus League foot soldier – what do you expect?
Tyler Woods – See Big Remo The Great’s entry below.
Sean Price – Brings the guns and thug to the table.
Vandalyzm – Possibly also a fan of Conan The Barbarian.
Sean Boogs – Is he Irish?
Novej – Is that sort of Spanish, kinda like how you pronounce Lupe?
Jozeemo – Very shouty; probably an MOP fan. Unless we’re confusing him with Tyler Woods. Who really knows at this point?
Big Dho – The third best Big on the album.
DOX – Fuck knows.
Big Remo The Great – More proof that the Justus League fam genuinely use a random name generator, possibly in a move to cut costs and avoid downsizing.
NBS – This might be more than one person. Not sure.
Torae – Pedant’s note: “Niggas don’t rewind my verse, they spin the coup around” isn’t really that sensible, is it?
Memphis Bleek – Appearance alone here suggests Uncle Shawn has stopped giving him pocket money.
Saigon – If ‘The Greatest Story Never Told’ is anything like his verse here then Atlantic must be kicking themselves for giving it a release date.
Mos Def – The proud owner of the rights to the worst ever verse on a Crooklyn Dodgers song. In all of history.

9th Wonder feat. Big Treal – Baking Soda

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.